Introduction
An important part of many funeral or memorial services is the eulogy. It’s a chance to share memories, tell stories, and celebrate the life of the person who died.
Planning a funeral can feel overwhelming. If you’ve been asked to write or give a eulogy, you might not know where to start. Our article will take you through the steps to follow to write a meaningful tribute.
What is a eulogy?
A eulogy is a short speech given at a funeral or memorial service to remember and celebrate someone’s life. It’s usually written and read by a family member or close friend, or sometimes by the person leading the service.
Funerals and memorials can be very varied. But most services do include a eulogy. It is the part which shares who the person was — their achievements, personality, and what they meant to the people around them.
The eulogy is a summary of what was most important to share about the person. It doesn’t have to be perfect or formal, and it doesn’t have to cover everything they did or were. It just needs to give an idea of their life. The best eulogies will help those present remember the person, and perhaps even learn more about them, what they did, and what they meant to others.
Who should write a eulogy?
There are no strict rules about who should write a eulogy. Often it’s written by a close family member such as a son, daughter, partner, or sibling. It could also be a close friend or someone who knew the person well.
Sometimes, several people work on a eulogy together. For example, one person might write the main part while others share memories or ideas. If you find it too difficult to write alone, it’s completely fine to ask for help. Sometimes the person leading the service will be happy to write or give a eulogy, after talking to friends and family. There can also be more than one eulogy. A more informal service might be made up of several different people sharing their thoughts.
Read more about planning different types of funeral
Notifying organisations
Before the funeral you will usually have registered a death, and told friends and family that someone has died. But there are still many other organisations and companies who need to know. Tell Us Once is a free service offered by the UK Government. It is designed to make it easy to tell multiple government departments and local councils that someone has died. When you register someone’s death, the registrar will either complete the Tell Us Once service with you during the appointment, or give you a unique reference number so you can go away and access the service yourself.
You can read more about which organisations are covered by Tell Us Once, and who you will have to contact separately in our guide to the service.
Who should deliver a eulogy at a funeral or memorial service?
Usually, the person who writes the eulogy also delivers it, but not always. If speaking in front of others feels too hard, someone else can read it on your behalf — a relative, friend, celebrant, or even the funeral director.
If you are giving a eulogy, it is a good idea to keep a clear printed copy of what you’ve written. Have someone ready to step in and take over if it becomes too difficult. It can be hard to predict how you will be affected in a funeral or memorial. It’s not always the people who expect to be the most emotional who are most affected.
What matters the most is that the words are shared, not who says them.
How long should a eulogy be?
A good length for a eulogy is around five minutes — or roughly 600 to 800 words. That’s long enough to share a few stories and highlights of someone’s life without feeling rushed. If there are several speakers, you might want to keep it even shorter so the service doesn’t run over.
A funeral director or celebrant can help advise you on length, and will usually be happy to check what you have written if you’re not sure.
How do you go about writing it?
Writing a eulogy can feel like a daunting task. Here are some suggested steps you could take.
Gather memories. Sit down with family or friends and talk about the person who died, or just spend some time thinking about them. What achievements were they most proud of? What made them laugh? What did they love doing? What stories always come up when you talk about them?
Pick a few themes. Choose two or three main points to focus on, such as their kindness, sense of humour, or love of family.
Add personal touches. You can include short stories or funny moments that really show who they were.
Write naturally. Imagine you’re telling these stories to a friend. Don’t worry about fancy language. Simple and heartfelt is best.
You don’t have to get it perfect the first time. Write a rough version, then come back to it later when you’ve had time to think.
Is it a good idea to use AI to help?
If you’re finding it hard to put your feelings into words, AI tools like ChatGPT (or other writing assistants) can be helpful. It might not feel right for you, but if you do need some help it can be a way to get started. Think of AI as a helper, not a replacement for your own voice.
Start with prompts. You could type something like, “Help me write a eulogy for my mum who loved gardening and had a great sense of humour.” Or you could put in a bullet list of facts and memories about someone and ask it to be written into paragraphs.
Use it to structure your thoughts. Ask it to help you outline what to include or how to order your memories.
Edit carefully. Read what it suggests and make changes so it sounds like you. The best eulogies come from the heart, so make some changes to give it your own personal tone.
You can also search on the internet for eulogy examples to inspire you. If you find one you like, you could copy the structure to shape your own eulogy.
Delivering the eulogy
Speaking at a funeral can be an intense experience. A few tips can make it a little easier.
Practice reading aloud: Read your eulogy a few times at home so you know how it flows. If you’re not used to speaking in public, practice talking slowly, as it can be easy to go too fast when you are nervous.
Have a printed copy: Even if you are sure about what you want to say, a copy is helpful if you lose your place or get emotional.
Take your time: Breathe slowly and don’t rush. Everyone understands that it can be a difficult time.
Ask someone to be ready to step in: If you find it too hard to finish, having someone prepared to take over means that your words will still be shared.
Most importantly, remember that nobody expects perfection. People will be on your side and interested in what you have to say.
What is the difference between a eulogy and an obituary?
A eulogy is spoken at the funeral or memorial service, while an obituary is written and usually published in a newspaper or online.
An obituary tends to include more practical details — like the person’s full name, dates of birth and death, where they lived, and the different jobs or roles they held. Sometimes it is published soon after they died and includes information about the funeral.
A eulogy is usually more personal and emotional, focusing on stories, memories, and how the person made others feel.
If you would like to publish an obituary of the person who died after the funeral, you can use a eulogy as a starting point, and expand it to add more details.
Frequently asked questions
Can more than one person give a eulogy?
Yes. Depending on the type of service sometimes two or more people each share a few words, or one person speaks and others add short memories. It can be good to hear different voices and perspectives.
What if I get too upset to speak at the funeral?
It’s very common to feel emotional at a funeral and the people attending will know this. It’s a good idea to have the celebrant or someone you trust to be ready to step in and read for you. If you pause to take a moment or show your feelings it’s fine. It’s a reflection of what the person meant to you.
Should I include sad parts of their life or difficult things about them?
You don’t have to focus on sad times unless you feel it’s important to acknowledge them. Most eulogies highlight the happy memories and the positive impact the person had. If you had a difficult relationship with the person, it’s OK to decide that you don’t want to be the person who gives the eulogy.
Can I use humour in a eulogy?
It’s common to share funny stories about someone, and it can help to remember the humorous side of their personality. But don’t worry about trying to be funny – a eulogy is not like other types of public speaking. You are there to help reflect on someone’s life not to provide entertainment. If you’re not sure about what tone to use, or what is appropriate to include, check with a friend or with the person leading the service or memorial.
Trustestate can help
Coping with the admin after someone dies is a challenging and overwhelming process and there is a lot to be done after the funeral or memorial. Trustestate can help. We offer a simple, streamlined service with expert support at every stage. Book a free call with one of our experts to find out more.
What we offer
Use our Probate and estate administration service and we’ll manage every stage of the process. We’ll take over all the admin, apply to the court for probate, and share out the estate.
Or if the estate is simple, and you have time, you can use our Grant of Probate only service, and we’ll apply for probate using information you provide.
Whichever service you choose, you’ll get dedicated advice every step of the way, and an online platform to keep track of everything.
